Anxiety vs. Self-Care
On a quest to support girls and women in all stages of life, from newborn nourishment to post-traumatic survival strategies, Jenny Lorant Grouf has been practicing bodywork for 15 years. The tween and teen demographic has become a particularly sweet spot for Jenny, ever since her own daughter aged in and wanted to take ownership of her self-care. This piece is her description of her path to her own inner wellness.
This is what anxiety looked like for me as an 11-14 year old in the 1980s: I had a deep felt sense that the world was on the verge of nuclear war at all times, I was going through all the emotional and physical changes that arrive with the tween years, my family had financial stress and of course I was figuring out the social landscape while still being myself.
The disruption began with insomnia. My mother shared her tried and true remedy of drinking warm milk in those moments, which became a nightly ritual at times. While it certainly warmed and settled my system on some levels, it was the ritual that supplied the deep nourishment. From the moment of noticing that my system was becoming agitated and making the decision to get out of bed to walking to the kitchen, taking out a small pot and milk from the fridge, turning on the stove, stirring as the milk slowly heated to keep it from setting a skin on top, dipping in a pinky finger to test the temperature, reaching for the right mug for my mood (usually the Peter Rabbit one from my earlier years), pouring the milk from the pot and listening to the slosh as it hit the bottom of the mug, sitting down with the warmth between my hands, blowing on the liquid before taking my time to sip. This was the true self nourishment - the ritual and the slowing down.
When my anxiety accelerated and evolved into chronic stomach aches and nausea (in Chinese medicine, the stomach is the seat of worry and anxiety), I was directed to a bottle of the thick, pink, specific taste that is Pepto Bismol. Like all medications, it had its place and certainly did help the sick-to-my-stomach state as far as my nausea, yet it did nothing for the film reel of unrest playing in my heart, mind, nervous system, body and spirit each night.
I knew in my gut that swallowing a liquid and calling it a day was not going to address my unrest. Finally, when I read an article in my suburban Chicago community paper about alternative therapies, I thought to myself, Someone is finally making some sense! From that point on I became enthralled with the interconnection of our mental, emotional, spiritual and physical states. I sought out massage when I could afford one (massage therapists were extremely limited at that time) and I became a student each time I was on the table. I found the internal connection with myself and my system so profound that my felt understanding of my whole became my life’s purpose to explore. I spent much of my twenties and thirties seeking ancient healing wisdoms and emerging approaches that merge our whole being.
So, what about our children today? What does anxiety look like now? The Anxiety and Depression Association of America details that girls between ages 10 and 18 are most susceptible to anxiety disorders. Adolescent boys are also more susceptible at that time yet at half the rate compared to girls. Whether it is hormones, social exploration/confusion, personal/family stress, the still-present discussion of nuclear weapons and extremely present conversation about our global climate, there are endless stimuli that will overwhelm any system and especially those most vulnerable.
There is little that we can control on the global scale yet we can affect our internal landscapes. How are we framing this for our children? How do we even begin?
Self-care practices are truly endless, which provides a lot of opportunity for discovery, and beginning to find what resonates for each of us is luckily the same pathway as beginning to connect with our internal sensations. When we expand the dialogue around multi-dimensional self-care, we can begin with what we know.
What rituals already feel good?
Is it walking barefoot on the earth or taking the yoga position child’s pose? Is it having a wild good belly laugh with someone we adore? Preparing a bath for ourselves with an aromatic essential oil? Perhaps, it is a family tradition or weekly meal that immediately brings us to a place of safety and whole connection? Could it be warming some delicious oil between our hands and massaging our bellies?
What do I need in this moment?
Connecting with tweens reaches my deepest belief: We are truly empowered when we have deep connection with our own systems, become our own advocates and know how to apply or ask for it ourselves. Luckily, we now live in a time when once considered alternative therapies are now integrative and complementary therapies. There is access, research and societal awareness of a multitude of modalities and most importantly there is a deeper dialogue for all of us.
My hope for our children is that they will explore resources, identify what resonates for them personally and access what they need when they need it earlier than the majority of their parents’ generation was able to do. Rather than beginning the journeys in their teens, twenties, thirties or beyond, I wish that for them now – the younger the better.
Body Scan
This is a practice of simply noticing without judgment. In this practice, you are simply taking an inventory of your body in a rest state. There is nothing that you need to alter or do other than simply notice. If you notice asymmetry, allow it to be. Be curious, receive information.
Slowly bring your attention to the base of your feet
Notice how the soles of your feet feel being held by the floor or in the resting pose that they are
Continue over your toes
On all sides of your calves – inner, outer, front, back
Your knees
On to your thighs – inner, outer, front, back
Moving up to your bottom, connecting with your sitz bones
Take a moment to notice the connection of the base of your spine with your seat/floor, sensing the flexible rod that extends through your spine from this spot
Bring your attention over your hipbones
Up the midline
Pausing on your belly for a moment
Around to the back
To your chest and outer shoulders
Arms, hands, fingers
Up the back of the neck
Over the base of the head to the forehead, noticing any tension or lack of tension
Notice your eyes
Your ears
Your jaw
Around down over the throat
Return to the chest and if it feels good, follow your awareness back down to the base of the feet
Resourcing
The intention of this practice is to bring awareness to the present moment and health in our system. By following these four simple steps, we can connect with something that feels good and safe to the mind, body and heart and bring us to a place where we truly feel most ourselves.
1. Bring to mind an object, color, place, person, memory, etc. It may help to close your eyes.
2. Notice the sensation and/or emotion that accompanies what you hold in attention.
3. Locate where in the body the sensation/emotion resonates.
4. Keep your awareness on the sensation where it lives for as long as you want – whether for a moment or longer. If possible, bring attention to slowing your inhales and exhales. Very slow breathing helps settle the system.
5. When you are ready, slowly bring your gaze and awareness back to the room.
ABOUT JENNY LORANT GROUF
Jenny Lorant Grouf has worked with groups committed to women’s wellness such as the UCSF Women’s Health Resource Center, Safe Horizon of New York and the Joyful Heart Foundation. From its inception, her private practice has been completely committed to women, their transformation and well being. Visit Centerherself for more information.